Spock’s dad is old, and has Old People Disease, which apparently is part Alzheimer’s/part Asshole Syndrome, and it makes him have the feels. He’s making everyone else on the ship in to an asshole, kind of like that time your grandad got in to the egg nog at Thanksgiving. He mind melds with Picard to get through this, turning our Captain in to a sobbing bitch instead of knocking him out with some hypo spray and letting him catch up on some zzzz’s while Sarak ambassadors and stuff.
It’s a Marvel/Star Trek cross over event, as The Collector fakes Data’s death in order to, you know, collect him. It’s another dissertation on the nature of man and whether Data is a being or a thing, but this time it’s got Saul Rubinek being creepy and evil and awesome so I’ll let it slide.
Reginald Barclay is a creepy, creepy little man who creates holodeck simulations of his coworkers so that he can woo and belittle them as he sees fit. Troi is absolutely terrible at her job and has no clue he’s got a big ol’ crush on her. She is the worst psychiatrist in ten star systems. I wish Wesley had stuffed Barclay out an airlock.
The mayor of Sunnydale falls in love with a “living ship.” Man, the euphemisms for obesity have gotten out of control in the future. “Yo mamma so fat she’s a living ship!”
Picard gets kidnapped and put on the set of Cube. Man, that’s a really good movie. You should go watch that instead.
Klingon politics are seriously, hard core messed up. Like, “Keep the Government Out of My Medicare” messed up. Glenn Beck, Sarah Palin messed up.
To keep the Empire from crumbling, Worf agrees to be shunned and stripped of his honor. He just wants to go back to his quarters, drink a bottle of prune juice, and cry.
Data builds a daughter! She is awesome, and they bond as a parent/child relationship, so of course some asshole from Star Fleet thinks the best thing ever would be to separate them and study Lal somewhere far away from Data. Admiral Haftel is insistent, and this drives Lal to emotion – she is petrified. Without the circuitry to correctly process it, she goes catatonic, and Admiral Haftel attempts to help Data to repair the damage.
“She… she won’t survive much longer. There was nothing anyone could have done. We’d repolarize one pathway and another would collapse. And then another. His… hands were moving faster than I could see, trying to stay ahead of each breakdown. He refused to give up. He was remarkable. Just… wasn’t meant to be.”
IT WASN’T MEANT TO BE BECAUSE YOU LITERALLY SCARED HER TO DEATH, YOU FAT FUCK. YOU KILLED HER. YOU.
Tasha Yar is brought back so she can die a better death. Picard spends the entire episode telling everyone that they have to be super careful not to alter the past and then alters the past by sending Tasha back in time.
The only thing I liked in this episode is that Guinan introduces Worf to prune juice.
Commander Hot Pants is in trouble. While on an away mission to inspect a scientific project, the entire station goes boom, and it’s all due to Riker hitting on the scientist’s wife, or the scientist’s wife hitting on Riker. A quasi trial ensues using re-creations on the holodeck, and Riker’s pants parts are found Guilty of Being Unable to Sit Down in a Chair Like a Normal Human Being.